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When it comes to just about everything, setting boundaries is extremely important. For me, it’s something I knew absolutely nothing about. Trust me, that’s not something that I was ever taught growing up. Looking back on my past, it’s something that I wish I had known about. I struggled with boundary setting for so many years and to be real with y’all, it’s something I still struggle with from time to time.

I knew that if I struggled with this without knowing, I’m almost certain there’s someone else out there who has/is struggling with it too.

Have you ever had someone invite you to an even and either A) immediately felt like you didn’t want to go, B) impulsively said yes but when the time came, you felt like you really didn’t want to do it…. But because you were afraid of hurting someone, you went anyway or made up a bunch of excuses instead of just saying no.

Ooooh here’s a good one… You decide to go out one night and the entire time you’re there it feels like work. You suffer through it instead of just walking out.

One of the biggest ones for me was saying no to people in all different scenarios. Even being intimate with someone.

Today I have 7 simple tips to get you started with boundary setting. Why? Because if any of these things above sound like you, more than likely you’re not setting boundaries in your life. And trust me when I say it’s important.

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Setting boundaries is a form of self care, something I’m always talking about, everywhere. And, in my opinion, I believe that everyone should learn how to set boundaries in their lives.

Let me ask you something before we get started here…

Would you rather feel safe and strong in your relationships or unsafe and weak? Seems like a no brainer, right? You would think. But it’s not always so black and white. There are gray areas. This is where boundary setting comes into play.

Without healthy boundary setting:

  • Allow others to tell you how to think, how you should act, how you should feel = losing yourself, don’t know what you want, don’t know what you don’t want, etc.
  • You’ll keep spending your time and energy doing what everyone else wants you to do instead of doing what you know deep down is what you actually want to do = guilt, anxiety, fear. You also feel responsible if other people aren’t happy.
  • You attract controlling people which long term could cause you to start being controlling as well, lack of balance in your relationships, finding yourself in codependent relationships. Can lead to abuse – mental, emotional, physical, sexual.
  • You dread letting others down = people pleaser.
  • You over share private things with people you don’t know very well leading to hurt and manipulation. You don’t know how to share what you want/need.
  • Intimacy problems.
  • Victim mentality = always feeling over looked, blamed for everything, feel like everything is always going wrong in your life, etc.
  • Feel annoyed with people, on edge, worried about what others think, guilt for the things that you actually want, you feel like people don’t show you the respect you should have, fear of rejection and abandonment – because you’re going against your own values and desires.
  • Always saying yes when you want to say no – disempowering.
  • You have no clue who you TRULY are, what your purpose is, etc.

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Alright, alright, lets get down to it. Let me help y’all get started with setting your own personal boundaries…

7 simple tips to get you started with setting boundaries in your life:

  1. Get familiar with your feelings, when they come up, why you think they come up. Without self judgment. Journal, read some self help blogs/books, figure out what YOUR core belifs and values are, practice mindfulness, etc.
  2. Try to figure out when others are/may be setting boundaries instead of trying to hurt you (lets face it, some people are simply just toxic but others may be setting their own boundaries and you may be taking it personal) Get good at figuring out which is which.
  3. Ask yourself why it’s important to set these boundaries for yourseld and how you think it will benefit your life.
  4. Practice saying no WITHOUT excuses; just a simple no thank you.
  5. Find your tribe – one or a few trusted people in your life who you can talk about sensitive topics with, who will support you, and celebrate your boundary setting with you. BUT do not ask for advice or opinions on your boundaries – they cannot help you with this. Only you can. Unless it’s an outsider such as a coach/counselor.
  6. Don’t we all just LOVE toxic relationships? Said no one ever. Friends, family, lovers, whoever. Give yourself a break from them. You don’t need that in your life, so let go of all that guilt and just do what’s best for your life. Sometime it’s a temporary break, other times it’s permanent. Just remind yourself it’s for the best.
  7. Look up or great some boundary setting affirmations to tell yourself daily.

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Boundaries should protect your happiness and match your values. As your life changes, so will your boundaries.

There is no right and wrong – this is about YOU, YOUR values, YOUR perspective.

You do not need to explain your boundaries to anyone, just set them!

If someone makes you feel like you need to defend them, if they choose to go against them, then you really should question if that person is meant for you or your life.

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